MULBERRY PLANNEREver played the Instagram comparison game with homeschool mamas you follow? Kara Anderson reflects on how knowing your personality type can help you understand everything from relationships, to work, to how you homeschool - and maybe help cut yourself some comparison slack too!
When I was in high school, I decided that I needed to like coffee.
My friends had started liking coffee. A few even worked at coffee shops before Starbucks came to our town, and so they would make me coffee drinks with syrups and whipped cream, and I would try to enjoy them.
But coffee and I have a deep misunderstanding.
I say, “Hey – how about a little wake-up boost?” and coffee says, “Hold on to your flipping hat.”
To really drive the point home, coffee also makes my stomach hurt like I swallowed a handful of forks.
So I resigned myself to be a tea girl.
Still, for years I would think that maybe if I tried hard enough, I could like coffee. I would order a Peppermint Mocha because I saw one on Instagram and it looked so festive and delicious.
I’ve never grocery shopped while high on Angel Dust, but I can only think that a normal person on Angel Dust is me on a tall Peppermint Mocha. #cartrage
So coffee and I are done before we ever got started. It would have been such a good ride, I think, until I jumped out of a 30th story window thinking I could fly …
Personality explains a LOT
I’ve just returned from a weekend hanging out with fellow homeschoolers and bloggers, and I can’t tell you how many times the conversation turned to personality types.
We talked Myers-Briggs and The Enneagram, and how knowing your personality type can help you understand everything from relationships, to work, to how you homeschool.
Finally, I felt like someone understood what I was faced with here at home.
I don’t mean that to sound negative, but I had never seen it spelt out clearly for me before.
And that is when I first thought of the coffee.
So often, I am trying to force things here that work for other people, but make my heart race and my stomach hurt.
Personality is deeply ingrained. We know that.
And yet, home educating parents often forget to consider their own needs when thinking about what is going to work.
No matter what personality we have, here’s what it comes down to:
If we are the solo parent at home (or caring for) our kids at any given moment, then we are in charge. We set the rhythm or schedule, and we make the rules.
We are the bosses, applesauces.
In theory.
Immediately, as an INFJ, I run into a problem: my personality type is that which means I factor in everyone else’s emotions into every daily decision.
So I might wake up with a plan, but if a child awakes with a sore throat or a rough-night-of-sleep hangover, that plan goes out the window almost instantly.
I used to think that was a failing. Only after learning more about my personality did I learn that it’s just part of who I am, so of course it’s going to be how I parent, and how I home educate.
Still, this is hand’s down my single biggest challenge in homeschooling. But it’s not everyone’s.
What I find tricky, you'll find easy
If I tell a friend who has a different personality type that another family member’s “rough day,” derails me, she might wonder why I don’t just tell that child to suck it up, and hand them a worksheet.
(I also can’t do worksheets.)
But another mother’s hardest part of her day might be something I would never imagine, like noticing emotional cues in her kids.
(ALL I DO is notice emotional cues in my kids.)
The above describes another type of introverted homeschool mama – in fact, we’re just one letter off - and yet, we couldn’t be more different.
Growing up teaches us that not all things are for all people – we decide that we are just firmly anti-Brussel sprout, or we are a Democrat or Republican or Libertarian or want all politicians to go back to powdered wigs and horse teeth.
We figure ourselves out, which I think takes about 40 years.
But even once we decide that we will never cut bangs again, or that corn in guacamole is a crime, we are tempted all the time by other people, who seem happy and together.
What we have to remember, though, is that those people are not us.
Some of us naturally need more order, and some of us die inside without creativity.
So here's what I suggest for you, homeschool mama:
First, find out a bit about your personality type.
Take a Myers-Briggs or Enneagram test, or anything else that doesn’t ask for a lot of money or sound like a cult, and then study a bit. Learn more about what you need, and what is bound to make you nuts.
And embrace it. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We’re all unique. And it’s OK to make sure that homeschooling works for us as much as it works for our kids.
Remember: Your kids want a happy parent.
Second, find people who inspire you to be more like yourself.
That doesn’t mean you can’t keep other people in your Instagram feed or follow them on Facebook, it just means that if you are a mom who struggles with projects, don’t fill your feed with only project-based homeschoolers.
AND, when you see another mama doing a project, think to yourself that that’s very nice and keep scrolling.
Note: If you are a sensitive soul, and if you’ve been struggling lately, it might be good to unfollow some folks temporarily. It’s OK, you can bring them back into the fold later when you are feeling more confident.
Third, find real-life people or opportunities to fill the gaps.
If reading aloud makes you itch and squirm, check out library story times or invite Grandpa over once a week.
If you want your kids to have beautiful birthday cakes that express their personalities, find a baker in your community and let him or her do what they do best.
And then, be grateful for those people. That’s all you need to do.
You don’t need to beat yourself up that you can’t be everything to everyone.
You are not Taco Night.
But you are you, and believe me – it’s enough.
This post originally appeared on Kara's blog and has been republished here with permission.
Want to save this article for later? Share on Pinterest.
Have you signed up yet? It's free! >>>
Kara Anderson
Contributor
Kara is a homeschool mom, writer, tea drinker, yoga-doer and girl with overdue books. She's also co-host of The Homeschool Sisters Podcast.
I think the David Allen quote, “You can do anything, but not everything.” is pretty applicable here!
I’ve just gone on an Insta detox at the moment for this exact reason. The comparison, the FOMO, the anxiety, the “shoulds” were just getting too much!